


Life of Revenge

by Pennae



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 13:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennae/pseuds/Pennae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurapika's thought process after the conversation where he is told that his heartbeat 'thought pure, it's also cold.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life of Revenge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eris/gifts).



So, I don’t normally write first person. In fact, I don’t really at all. I have maybe done so once before, and that was just a brief pov change. So I apologise if it’s not all that great. But for the idea, I thought first person was the best for it, even if I’m not particularly fond of it myself. I’ve also never written a Hunter X Hunter fic, so nood in this as well.

For the names of the secondary characters in the show (Senritsu and Majiken), I’m sorry if they confuse people. My prompter used Senritsu, so I used it as well; but I know the version of the anime I have uses Shanrin and the dubbed uses Melody. As for Majiken, Kurapika’s nen teacher, it’s the name my prompter gave once again (apparently that’s what it is in the new release of the anime) so I used it (which was helpful because I can’t remember what the version I have uses and I don’t really want to search for it.)

The italic area I took straight from the anime, so those are not my words, I don’t claim them. Obviously, the characters aren’t mine either.

_“Such a graceful melody. Your heart beat right now, it’s like a canary singing, combined with the sounds of a stream.”… “Your heartbeat changed. It’s like the first time I heard your heartbeat. Thought pure, it’s also cold.”_

_“I didn’t expect you to talk so much.”_

_“Really?”_

_“I’m not trying to give you any advice, but talking is not a good thing. A persons language can be used by an enemy to decipher personal information.”_

_“You’re correct. But with only the information deciphered from ones language, it’s never very reliable. Not only to other people, but you can also lie to yourself through language. So it is difficult to filter out the truth from language. Compared to language, an individual’s heartbeat is far more reliable. Not only for me, but for you too, right?” … “But, at times you still need to say things out loud. Only by doing so can you ease the pressure building up inside, but it has to be at the correct time, in the perfect place with a certain person, right?”_

I could feel my fingernails digging into the flesh of my palm and knew that Senritsu watched as I left her at the stream. She reminds me of Majiken, neither approve of my path; they just don’t understand. No one does.

I’ll admit, I had briefly hoped. Gon accepts both my path and me, but he doesn’t truly understand, he’s too young and naïve; not that I would like him to be any other way. Killua has only ever been the recipient of revenge; he has never felt it so he cannot truly understand as he has only seen it, not felt it. And Leorio, he can’t understand how I can be willing to kill fourteen people, but not a criminal that lies in the way of me becoming a hunter. Though I believe he would be the one I would ‘say things out loud’ to. I imagine it would be like during the hunter exam’s bonus round three, when Leorio was with me when I burned the Kurta clan boat.

I can understand why no one can understand. I have dedicated my entire life, my entire being, to killing people. Yet at the same time, I refuse to kill. I can see how that can be confusing, truly I can, but I will not become like those I wish to kill; I will not end someone’s life just because it is convenient or because I feel like it.

Majiken called the chains on my hand ‘chains of revenge’ and maybe they are. But I think they’re more chains of resolve. Only one of my chains is for killing, and I have bet my life on that chain only being used on those within the Phantom Troupe. Chains are not a killing weapon, like a sword; these chains are my resolve not to become a killer of any but the spiders.

Thought Majiken was more concerned about what my revenge will cost me rather than my being alone, that I am ‘a butterfly struggling on the verge of death.’ I would like to think he’s wrong, that after my revenge is complete I can live the life I would have had the Troupe not slaughtered my people and stolen their eyes. Senritsu would be happy with that too most likely, since if my revenge is done, I will no longer need my strength to eliminate my enemies, I will only need it to do my job as a hunter.

That would be nice, I think. I could find Leorio, I bet by then he’ll be a doctor and probably just as dense, no matter how much smarter school made him. Gon and Killua will probably still be together, but maybe they will have found Gon’s father; maybe he’ll even be travelling with them. I wouldn’t have to worry that being around them, creating happy memories, will dull my anger. Nor would I need to worry that the Troupe will target them to get to me.

I think… I think having friends is probably what scares me the most right now. If I have friends, my focus won’t be completely on my revenge; my anger will dull, and I will eventually lose my path. And I can’t; not until I am done. I will give up having a life and friends for this. I will forsake anything that can’t help me reach my goal.

My people fought together, and they lost. I shall fight alone, with nothing but my own strength and I will succeed where they didn’t. I will banish the spiders into the deepest layer of hell and I will reclaim the scarlet eyes of my clan from those who believe they have the right to possess them. Until this is done, I live solely for this purpose. When I have finished, then I will do as Senritsu and Majiken wish, and live for something else, but no sooner. I will have my revenge.


End file.
